As I write this blog I feel tired and a tad overwhelmed by my never-ending to-do list. I continuously wonder how I can magically create more hours in a day or clone myself to get everything done. If there were just three of me…
To be honest I’ve had one good cry already today and will likely have another before my head hits the pillow. Don’t worry. This is normal for me. I put “good cry” under the same cathartic list as “good orgasm,” “good workout,” and "good soak in the tub.” If I can experience all of these essential forms of stress-release in one day, well, it’s a good day.
Yet, even in the midst of this exhaustion, I feel happy. So flipping happy.
This dichotomy never ceases to escape me, but it’s my life, and I’ve learned to lean into it the last couple of years since my divorce. I can be tired and I can feel happy at the same time. It’s pretty cool, actually.
And I know two people who need me to feel happy and not just tired. My kids.
The Hustle Is Real
If you’re a divorced mom, you know the hustle is real, and I’m not just talking about the domestic demands of motherhood. I’m also talking about taking care of business. Financial business.
Sometimes when I think about creating (and managing) multiple streams of income, I feel panicked, but my May 13th guest, Red Hot Hustle coach, Tonya Wade, reminds me how feeling passionate about my side hustle is the secret sauce to its success. That’s right. If you feel passionate about something, the hustle won’t be a grind. It will become a source of inspiration and hopefully lead to another amazing revenue stream as well.
Tonya’s energy is infectious and I love her insights on how we divorced moms can better hustle our time and money. If you’re ready to take your financial hustle to the next step, but need a boost of inspiration, get some red on (or at minimum pour a glass of red wine) and listen to this episode, “Red Hot Side Hustles!”
This Sh*t Ain’t Easy
I remember feeling utterly exhausted the first few months post-divorce.
If moving to a new home while learning how to co-parent wasn’t enough, I also was stacking freelance work like my life depended on it, because it did. On top of all this, I was trying to be the best divorced mom. My new life was kicking my ass.
There was one morning I literally didn’t have the energy to get out of bed, which is NOT my norm. Feeling panicked, I texted a male friend of mine who’d been living the divorced life for several years already. I figured he’d have some sagely advise. His reply to my cry for help was incredibly simple, “This sh*t ain’t easy.”
Yeah. No kidding.
I can’t say in that moment I found comfort in his response but boy did it provide some comic relief and helped me feel less alone in my new-found world.
Being a divorced mom isn’t easy and I’ve learned to give myself permission to say it. It doesn’t make me weak, or whiny, or a “bad” mom. It just is what it is.
Solo parenting has taught me to be kinder to myself. I can laugh at myself in ways I never did when I was married. On a weekly basis I have what I fondly call a “divorced mom moment” (and other divorced mom’s have them, too).
Instead of feeling horrified by the fact I, for example, haven’t done laundry in a couple weeks and have no clean underwear, I laugh it off, go commando and enjoy the freedom of being panty-free.
Good Enough is the New Perfect
In my 20’s I was still under the false impression I could be perfect. I followed most of the rules, like working hard and being sweet. I was ridiculously earnest, always wanting to do the “right” thing, which didn’t necessarily mean being true to myself. I wasn’t a big priority to me back then. Sound familiar?
Anyway, there was a day when my busy schedule got the best of me and I was late to a graduate school class I was taking. I remember rushing into class and profusely apologizing to the professor and my peers for my tardiness. My professor looked at me and comically said, “No one gives a sh*t, Sadie.”
His candid reply was unexpected and it took me years to fully appreciate the gift of his frankness. He was right, though; people just really don’t care if I’m perfect. Being divorced has caused me to care a lot less, too.
My house is never as clean as I’d like it to be, my kids and I eat whatever my Instant Pot can make quickly, I often walk out the door wearing mismatched socks, and as much as I would love to be and try, I will never be a perfect mom.
But what I’m doing as a divorced mom is good enough. I think I need to say that again.
What I’m doing as a divorced mom is GOOD ENOUGH.
Besides if I did all of the above perfectly, there wouldn’t be any space to have fun and having fun with my kids makes me way happier than being perfect. So. Much. Happier.
I mean when they’re my age will they remember clean floors over silly rounds of charades? Organic meals vs. French toast breakfasts, or perfectly made beds over pillow fights?
In the end, fun wins!
My guest, Teresa Thomas, agrees. Following divorce, Teresa found herself falling into some of the same patterns she had vowed to change. Facing frustration and wanting to have fun things to look forward to, Teresa created a chart of 50 Fun Th
ings she wanted to experience. To her pleasant surprise, she began more fully living life, reconnected with her joy, gaining clarity about what she wants her life to feel like as well as receiving many more positive lessons along the way. What started as a personal quest became a catalyst for others to envision and achieve fulfilling lives, both personally and professionally through the 50 Fun Things® tools and experiences.
Listen to our episode, “50 Fun Things To Do After Divorce” on May 27th and then create two fun lists; one for yourself and another for you and your kids!
Teresa and I both agree, and I’m sure you do, too, having fun after divorce NEVER gets old.
The Mirror Doesn’t Lie
Even after Botox, when I look in the mirror I still see a tired mom. I also a mom who loves her kids and herself like she’s never before; a mom who’s doing her best and is crazy proud of herself, and her kids, even on our not so great days.
I so wanted to have this blog completed sooner. I also wanted it to be magically funny about life as a divorced mom, but I’ve decided it’s good enough.
As am I. As are you.
With your new-found freedom have you pursued a new side hustle? Does any of the discussion around perfectionism resonate with you? What have you been able to let go of after your divorce? What kind of fun things are you doing now that you wouldn’t have thought to do when you were married?