I was divorced the fall of 2018 and within weeks of officially being single my buddy, Greg, “challenged” me to go on 27 dates within two months. His delicious dare came with two rules, I had to not only find the men I went on dates with attractive but also interesting. Being one who’s always up for some friendly competition, I accepted his playful invitation. Thus began my Act II dating adventures.
No-agenda dating = good fun
My 27 dates in eight weeks goal immediately shifted my focus from high stakes dating drama to lighthearted, breezy boy fun. Plus this playful escapade allowed me to meet a lot of men in a short period of time not only from my hometown, but also from cities like Chicago and New York (Brooklyn accents = YUM).
By the winter of 2019, and my second trip to New York within four months, I’d achieved my ethically non-monogamous (ENM) dating stride. I enjoyed this new world of transparency with men and had “friends” from various cities across the country. To quote my best gal-pal, I was “living my best life” and loving it. It was refreshing to not be attached to outcomes when it came to romance, and for the first time in a long time, be completely comfortable in my own skin. The freedom was intoxicating.
Figuring out pandemic dating
We all know what happened in 2020. It’s not like I need to rehash crushing COVID blow after crushing COVID blow to anyone reading this; we’ve all lived it. Hear me loud and clear when I say dating was not the highest priority on my list, nor is it currently, BUT I am human and for me connection with others is key. By last April it became clear if I wanted anything remotely resembling a love life, I would have to think outside the box and find a new way to date.
As the saying goes, “necessity breeds invention,” and being an artist, and thus resourceful as well, I realized I could still “travel” to NYC (and Chicago, Atlanta, DC…) via Tinder Passport at the affordable price of $29.99! No, Tinder is not giving me any monetary kick-back for saying this (unfortunately), but nonetheless I’m grateful to that silly app for introducing me to some interesting and delightful men who provided layers of levity during my quarantine blues.
Lessons learned along the way
Soon my kid-free weekends were filled with video dates with guys from all over the country, well mostly the East Coast, but that's not my point. My point is I was going on dates, albeit virtually, and having a ball! “Date night” involved making my hair extra big (a must when being on camera), wearing my lucky blue sweater , creating flat lighting with table lamps (way more affordable then botox) and the one essential ingredient - a selfie stick.
Prior to COVID-19, I readily mocked selfie sticks seeing them as obnoxious gadgets owned only by Paris Hilton wannabe’s, but after one night of holding a phone above my head for hours, I knew I had to find a better way. I mean, I’m just too old for that. Plus angles matter!
All kidding aside, my video dating flurry led to some quality screen time. Delicious conversations arose around topics like emotional intimacy, creative passions, social justice, finding solace in the simple things, what life after COVID would be like (something we’re still all wondering) and our first post-pandemic adventure. My dates and I even had dance parties...and other sorts of parties (wink-wink).
I also had some seriously embarrassing video dating moments. Like when my purple vibrator, which I fondly refer to as my essential worker, sat proudly in the foreground for all my suitors to see. Fortunately for me that was NOT the night I stacked twelve video dates back to back. The men who witnessed my toy definitely didn’t mind, btw.
Video dating is not my preferred way to meet men, but sparks can still fly even if they’re virtual ones. I even developed a “COVID Crush,” or two, and had a few new “friends” fly in for a visit and took a couple of trips myself (a gal's gotta do what a gal's gotta do).
I no longer stack twelve video dates back to back and my nights of 80’s inspired hair are fewer and fewer, but I’m definitely still enjoying the sight of a handsome man’s smile and the sound of his luscious laugh from my four-inch iPhone screen.
Do what comes naturally for you
Perhaps my virtual dating approach is not a fit for you, or maybe you’re already online shopping for a selfie-stick. Everyone’s different and can decide his/her own adulting style. I mean even in 2021 there’s still such a thing as a phone call, and a social distance walk can be a charming way to break the first date ice.
Quarantine has been rough, for all the reasons, but it’s reminded me, and likely you, too, how much connection and intimacy matter (vibrators can only do so much). So give yourself permission to be human during this time and enjoy a video date, or two, or twenty-seven.
Looking for more dating tips after divorce? Be sure to listen to my Dating for Beginners episode with Atlanta's very own Gentleman No. 9, James Smith.
Interested more in romancing yourself? Then laugh along with me and Comedienne, Miss Shannan Paul, as we discuss our post-divorce honeymoon stage.
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